


Finding your Self

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: :(, M/M, This was supposed to be spooky, but it'd kinda just sad, read it quick before i delete it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Chan wants Felix to stay with him. Forever.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Lee Felix, Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Finding your Self

**Author's Note:**

> Im sorry.

Don't believe everything you read. Only believe what you see with your own eyes. And when neither of them ate right than run. Chan had been running his whole life. He couldn't trust a thing. He saw things that weren't real. And there was nothing in any book that he could make sense of. So he ran. 

I can follow you no matter where you run

The voice in his head didn't scare him like it did before. It still scratched at his mind and pulled away his thoughts. But he finally recognized who it was. 

You can't get rid of me Chris. You are my soul. 

Chan stumbled when he heard his given name. It was low but expected. Chan retreated back into his studio. He had wanted to go out and grab a coffee, maybe a muffin. But now he really needed to be alone. To compose himself. He didn't think he could handle someone alive right now. He sat himself down on his computer chair, the plastic wheels creaked under the sudden pressure. He leaned back, pushing the chair to its extreme. Chan looked up at the studio ceiling, a shiny high polished mirror reflected himself back. All of him from the brilliant molten gold irises that weren't natural, they were his blessing and curse. And the cutest freckled being Chan has ever seen, who happens to be the very spirit that's been haunting him since that night.

Felix was right, he always was. And yet Chris usually did not listen. It didn't matter cause Felix still smiled at him with so much love and happiness. They were happy.   
Then they weren't.   
They were fighting every day. Felix gave up first, than Chris would too. It led to long quiet nights. Their apartment had never felt so dangerous before.   
Felix had gone home for the weekend, his sister was sick, and he hadn't asked Chris to come with him. So Chris was alone. He started the night simply; a quick walk to the closest convenience store for beer and microwavable ramen. He was set on sending the night in pity with his sad meal. But he didn't make it home. It happened so fast he was waiting for the light to change so he could cross the street when an old lady stepped up next to him. She teetered dangerously on the edge of the sidewalk before stepping off. There was a flash of headlights and the blare of a horn. Chris acted without thought and reached out for the old lady. The car served but couldn't seem to avoid her. Chris felt the force knock him over as he had a hand on the old lady's arm. Once he had recovered from the shock he carefully stood up and looked around. The car was bent around a streetlight but the man inside was moving. The old lady lay a few feet from Chris. She was barely moving taking in shallow slow breaths. 

What do you want most in the world, young man? 

Chris drew closer to the woman as she spoke these words careful and slow. 

I'm dying boy grant me this one answer so I may clear the cloud above you. 

Chris knew somehow this cloud she spoke of was Felix. And while he didn't want to share about his private life with a stranger. The lady was dying. Her breaths were getting softer. 

"I want him. He is the only one I could ever love. He is my life, my soul. I never want him to leave." 

Chris didn't say his name. But she seemed satisfied with the confession. She reached up with a wrinkled hand to softly touch his cheek. And she smiled.

Felix never came home. The Lee's called when Felix went missing. They never called again. They never found him. What has tormented Chan since that night was the old lady's smile its a perfect copy of the smile that the freckled spirit bore everytime Chan saw him. Chan hadn't seen a ghost before until he woke one night in Korea a couple years after Felix disappeared to see ther younger sitting at the edge of his bed. He was excited without thinking. When the younger turned to him he was smiling but it didn't reach his eyes. Then it hit Chan. Felix couldn't be here. He had left Australia behind with all their memories. Neither of their families knew where he was and he wanted it that way. A new beginning. 

Then he was seeing Felix everywhere. In the dance room's mirrors. In the shadows on his balcony at night. He was always smiling. Chan moved twice. It didn't matter Felix was there waiting for him. Then he saw the others. A little girl with a bright red ball. A middle aged man that sat at the bus stop all day. And the old lady. They didn't follow him like Felix but they were there. 

Oh Chris this is what you wanted. It's what you said, 'I don't want him to leave'.

Felix's in the reflection reached out cool finger brushed their way through his hair. It was calming and unnerving. 

Why didn't you tell me that instead of that witch. 

Felix sighed and stepped into Chan's actually eyesight. It was something Felix rarely did. The others let him see them but Felix stayed in the reflections. Felix tilted Chan's head so they could maintain eye contact as he settled lightly on Chan's lap.

"Do you still love me Chris." Felix spoke out loud. Which was much more pleasant to hear than the voice in his head. He felt the cold press of Felix's hands on his chest. This was a familiar position. They have been like this countless times. Felix was always light. But there was never this space. It was too much. So Chan shifted, bringing his hands to small hips and dragging Felix closer. 

"I will always love you. No matter where we go. No matter what we do. You are the only one for me." Chan spoke softly. He gently reached those soft cheeks tracing the freckles that he loved so much since the younger didn't. The answer brought a spark to Felix's dark eyes. Who then leaned in much closer. Who covered Chan's eyes with a small, soft, cold hand. Chan felt the soft touch of lips he would never forget. 

"Then come and get me"

**Author's Note:**

> I don't plan on keeping this one up. Change my mind. 
> 
> Come find me on twitter [@petrichorsun](https://twitter.com/petrichorsun?s=09)


End file.
